the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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