I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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