No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
