The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
