nut hugger
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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