I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
