If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
