I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
