all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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