yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
