Will you blow on my dice?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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