A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
