In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
