Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
