so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
