I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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