Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
