Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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