Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
She bit a glass in half.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
