I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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