tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
