She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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