I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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