What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
