I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize