I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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