At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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