....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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