I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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