I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
