You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
