gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
