found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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