so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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