Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
