this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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