she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
