I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
