It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
