More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
