Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
