Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just took my morning after pill in the library
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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