Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
