Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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