Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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