OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize