Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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