we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
