What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Your dad touched me again.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
