Rock
Scissors
Fuck
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
