he wants to bone in the snuggie
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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