In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
