So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
