Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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