why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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