i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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