dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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