you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
