It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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