her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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