it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize