Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
