you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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