just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
