Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
