honey bunches of taint.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
