dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
