I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
