Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
