in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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