she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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