i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
