I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
