so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
