My hair reeks of homosexuality.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
