I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
